Category: Work Jokes

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as 'Millennia Year Application Software System' (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, 'I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before.' I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.

There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business.

As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, 'here, stick this in MYASS.' It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, 'Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS.'

Category: Blonde Jokes

A blonde went into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother Overseas!"
The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?" he asked the blonde.
"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me." He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door." She did. He then said, "Get on your knees." She did. Then he said, "Take down my zipper." She did. He said, "Go ahead... take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!" The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly, "HELLO... MOM!"

Category: Bathroom Graffiti

Here I sit broken hearted,
paid a dime and only farted,
next time I'll take a chance,
save my dime and shit my pants.

Category: Miscellaneous Jokes

A suspected foreign man arrives at Kennedy airport and is going through customs. He becomes extremely irate when the customs inspector insists on searching his bags. He screams at the inspector, “New York is the asshole of the world!”
“And I take it,” replies the inspector, “That you are just passing through.”

Category: Doctors Jokes

After returning home from an examination, the young woman phoned her gynecology’s and asked. “Doctor, would you see if by chance I left my panties in your office?” He looked in the examining room, returned to the phone, and told her, “I’m afraid they are not here.” “Sorry to trouble you, doctor,” she said. “I’ll try my dentist.”

Category: Marriage Jokes

A man says to his wife, “You never tell me when you have an orgasm.”
“You’re never home.” She replies.

Category: Marriage Jokes

A man is walking down the street, when a bum comes up to him and asks for a dollar. Being in generous mood, the man pulls out a ten-dollar bill.
As he hands it to the bum, he says, “You are not going to use this for booze, are you? “I never drink,” replied the bum solemnly.
“I hope you’re not going to use it for gambling,” says the man. “I never gamble,” the bum replies in earnest. “Say,” says the man, “would you mind coming home with me? I would really like for my wife to meet you.”
“Me?” says the surprised bum. “Why me?” “Well,” the man explains. “I would like to show my wife what happens to a man who never drinks or gambles.”