Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

A guy walks into a bar in a town with no women and asks the bartender, "How can you live in this town without any women?". The bartender replies, "It's not that bad when we get lonely we go out back where there is a barrel with a knothole in it. So after a few beers, the guy starts getting a little lonely and tells the bartender he's gonna go find the barrel. So he walks up to the barrel and sticks it in the knothole. After about 5 minutes he walks back to the bar and tells the bartender, "Man, that's the greatest stuff I've ever had!! What do I owe ya?" The bartender replies, "Nothing, but it's your turn to get in the barrel".

Category: Male Jokes

At Frederick's of Hollywood a husband wants to buy his wife the sheerest lingerie he can find. "This is $200," says the saleswoman, showing him an item. "I want one that's more sheer," says he. "This one is $350." "Sheerer than that." "This is the sheerest we have. It's $500." "I'll take it!" he replies. The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." She goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take it back for a refund and he won't know the difference." So she comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. "So, how do you like it?" she asks. He looks at her a moment and says, "Well, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the thing."

Category: Work Jokes

Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning", let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. "The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." I felt a little better. Someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it is such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go.

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday.......and there I sat on the couch.......naked.

Category: Miscellaneous Jokes

Three storks meet and ask each other: “Where are you going today?”
“Hooo, I'm going to a couple trying to have a child for 10 years... I bring them a little girl. “That’s cool!
And you?” “I am going to see a lady who has never had children.
I bring her a boy! “Very well, I'm sure she'll be really happy.”
“And you?” The first two ask the third stork.
“Me? I am going over to a close-by convent.
I would never bring them anything, but I love to scare them ...”

Category: Sex Jokes

A little girl and he mother were taking a walk in the park when they stumbled on two dogs having sex. The little girl asked her mom. What are they doing? Not knowing what to say the mom quickly answers, they are baking a cake. The next morning the little girl walks up to her mom and says. Mommy, I know what you and daddy were doing last night, the mom asks what?.... you two where baking a cake. The mom asks; and how do you know? The little girl says cause I wiped the icing off the couch to watch TV!

Category: Lightbulbs Jokes

How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to secretly dial an 800 number to order an American light bulb.

Category: Sex Jokes

“The trouble with Bob,” mentioned Sue to her roommate, “is that once he starts kissing you, he never knows where to stop.” “That’s funny,” Deb said. “The last time I went out with him, he found a great place to stop!”