Airplane Jokes
1 2 3
A man and a woman are sitting next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs.
The man isn't sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs.
The man is about to go nuts. He can't believe that he's seeing what he's seeing.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again.
The man has finally had all he can handle.
He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! What kind of signals are you sending me, or are you just trying to drive me crazy?"
The woman replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, sir. I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man, now feeling bad, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?"
The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
An elderly man told his wife, Honey we have done everything in our life except ride in an airplane. Lets do it, she said ok. They went to the airport and after much bargaining with the owner of an open top plane, the pilot/owner said, I’ll take you and your wife for a ride. If neither one of you yell or scream during the ride; it's free, otherwise it’s $50.00 each. The old man asked his wife, honeys are you sure you can ride in the plane without yelling or screaming. She said I'm sure I can Joe. So they agreed to take the ride. The pilot got them up in the air and tried to get them to scream or yell, he was flying upside down and doing cartwheels up in the air. When he landed he looked back at the old man and said, wow I can't believe it neither one of you screamed or yelled. The old man said, it was hard not to scream but I almost did when my wife fell out of the plane.
In recent years part of Air Canada's settlement with its unions was the hiring of handicapped people.
One day after that settlement, passengers on a small commuter plane were waiting for their flight to leave. The door opened and two men walked up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms and both wearing dark glasses. One pilot was using a guide dog, and the other was tapping the aisle seats with a white cane. Nervous laughter spread through the cabin; but the men entered the cockpit, the door closed, and the engines started up. The passengers began glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this was just a little practical joke. None was forthcoming.
The plane moved faster down the runway, and people at the windows realized that they were headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport perimeter. As it began to look as though the plane would never take off, but instead would plunge into the water, panicked screams filled the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifted smoothly into the air. The passengers relaxed and laughed a little sheepishly. Soon they all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane was indeed in good hands. Then over the PA system they heard the copilot say to the pilot, "You know Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all going to die!"
A young boy was getting on an airplane to come home for the holidays when an elderly woman in front of him was taken out of line and searched. "They found two knitting needles on her". The boy asked the security guards what harm an elderly lady could do with two knitting needles, and the officers explained, “She was knitting an Afghan.”