One day at CCD class Sam sat behind Pam. The teacher asked: Who created this world? So, Sam pokes Pam in the back of the neck with a toothpick. Pam screamed JESUS. Then the teacher asks: Who is God's son? Sam pokes Pam in the back of the neck again, and she screams JESUS CHRIST. Then the teacher asks: What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 23rd child? Sam pokes Pam in the back of the neck again and Pam turned around and said if you stick that thing in me one more time I'll break it in half!!!
A family is setting around the supper table and the son asks if he can ask a personal question? The fathers said ask away. The young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, says, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said could I ask a personal question? The daughter turns to her mother and asks "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only."
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
Two kids are in hospital, in surgical gowns, sitting on their gurneys.
“What are you here for?” Asked the first child.
“I’m here to get my tonsils removed,” says the second child.
“Don’t worry,” the first child says. “I had my tonsils removed last year and you get all the ice cream you want!”
The second child asks the first child, “What are you’re here for?”
“I’m here for a circumcision,” says the first child.
“Oh my God,” says the second child. “I had that done when I was born! I did not walk for a year!”