Lewis’s cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.

Soon he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn’t remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn’t find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier’s Customer Service Hot Line.

“Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow’s udder?” “Don’t worry,” replied the customer service rep, “The machine will release automatically once its collected two gallons.”

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there are two".

A local farmer is having the preacher over to dinner and needs his son to take over the chores for the evening.

"Son", he says, "I need you to go to the barn and put the Black Bull, the Brown Cow, and the White Cow together in the big stall. When the Bull mounts one of them come to the house and let me know, but you have to be discreet because we're having the preacher over for dinner!"
So the boy goes to the barn and puts the Black Bull, Brown Cow, and White Cow in the big stall and waits.
About 1/2 an hour later the boy runs into the kitchen and exclaims "Pa! The Black Bull F….. the brown cow!!"
The preacher passes out cold; and when he comes to, the farmer explains to him that the boy meant to say the Black Bull SUPRISED the Brown Cow.
The farmer re-instructed the boy to go back down and when the Black Bull mounts the White Cow to run up and say that the Black Bull SURPRISED the white cow.
About 1/2 an hour later the boy runs back into the kitchen again and this time says "Pa!! The Black Bull SURPRISED the White Cow!!"
The farmer grins and said "Oh did he really?"
The boy says, "He sure did!! He F…... the Brown one again!!"

Two farmers walking through a field; one stoop down and dips his finger in some cow dung and rubs it across his lips. The second farmer asks him why he did such a disgusting thing. The first one replies, ‘I have chapped lips!'. The second one asks him, ‘does it make them better?' He replies,' No! But it stops you from licking them!'