What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
A lawyer’s name was Strange. When he died his friend asked the tombstone maker to write, “Here lies Strange, an honest person, and a lawyer.”
The tombstone maker warned that this statement can be very confusing, as anyone who passes by grave would think that three men were buried in a single grave. However, he suggested another statement, “Here lies a person who was not only honest but also a good lawyer."
This way, whenever people walk by his grave and read it, they will say, “That’s strange!”
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer are asked, ‘How much is two plus two?
‘Four,’ says the housewife. ‘I think it’s either three or four,’ says the accountant. ‘Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.’ The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, ‘How much do you want it to be?
Two law partners hire a new cute young assistant, and a contest arises between them as who can bed her first, even though they’re both already married. Eventually one of them scores with her; and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. “So what did you think?” asks the partner.
“Aah, replies the first lawyer, my wife is better.”
Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the secretary. “So,” asks the first guy, “what did you think?”
The second guy replies, “You’re right.”