A Mafia Boss finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. The bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit and the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that since a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd never have to testify in court.
When the Boss goes to shake down the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Boss asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you're talking about."
The attorney tells the Boss: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Boss pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Boss asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have it in you to pull the trigger."
The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!
His father responded: "You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!"
You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me?"
"Absolutely! What's the second question?"
A father and son are having their final man to man before the wedding. The son asks the father, " Just to be sure Dad, is there any way a woman can get pregnant from anal sex?"
The father astutely replies, "I thought the answer would be self evident son, where do you think lawyers come from?"