An attorney got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named William Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed. As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been? And on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a very large whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub... pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door the sight of her husband’s rear view greeted her as he bent over naked drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
The attorney whirled around and screamed hysterically, "For crying out loud woman, don't you ever stop?"
A man was involved in an auto accident. A policeman ran up to the car and asked, "Are you seriously injured?" The man said, "How should I know? I'm a doctor not a lawyer"
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some annoying lawyer would ask me that question."
A lawyer’s wife died and at the funeral service, people were appalled to see that the tombstone read, Here Lies Kate, wife of Attorney J. Smith, Specializes in Divorce and Malpractice. After the burial, Smith burst into tears. ”His brother said, “You should cry, pulling a cheap publicity stunt like this.”
Smith said, “You don’t understand. I’m crying because they forgot to include the phone number.”