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[129] Animal Jokes

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SpicyJokes.com # 1064
Thanks to: Anonymous - Petaling Jaya - Selangor - Malaysia
rec.:8/19/2001    pub.:7/5/2002    Sent:6/16/2015
Ranking: 3.12 / 52
 
OR

A circus zebra was sent to a farm to recuperate on the advice of the Veterinary surgeon. The zebra felt happy on being released in an enclosure but soon began to feel lonely and bored. It decided to seek company so he jumped over the fencing and trotted to the farm house where he saw a number of strange looking animals. The zebra first walked up to the chicken and said, "Hello! I am an African zebra. Who are you?"
The chicken replied, "Well, I am a chicken.” Glad to know you." said the zebra.” Actually I am a performing zebra from a circus. I dance and do a trick which make people clap and that makes my master happy and he take care of me. What do you do?" "Well, I scratch the ground, feed on grain and lay eggs which make my master happy. Glad to know you too and welcome." The zebra then introduced itself one by one to all other animals around the farm house and felt very welcome at the farm. Then it looked around and spotted another strange animal in an enclosure nearby. It jumped over the fencing into the enclosure and approached the animal. "Hello, I am an African zebra; actually a performing zebra from a circus coming here for a rest. I dance and do tricks, which make people clap and that makes my master happy and he takes care of me. Who are you and what do you do?" In a low voice the reply came, "I am a bull, a stud bull, and what do I do? Take of your pajamas and I show you."

 

SpicyJokes.com # 13258
Thanks to: Amanda - Missouri - USA.
rec.:4/13/2003    pub.:7/29/2003    Sent:12/2/2008
Ranking: 3.55 / 31
 
OR

George Bush's Answer: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with
us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Al Gore's Answer: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the
American people.

Bill Gates' Answer: I have just released chicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.

Martha Stewart's Answer: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr. Sues' Answer: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Martin Luther King Jr's Answer: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa's Answer: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Barbara Walters' Answer: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Ralph Nader's Answer: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Jerry Seinfield's Answer: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why anyone doesn't ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Pat Buchanan's Answer: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Rush Limbaugh's Answer: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already
forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can
you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

Jerry Falwell's Answer: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is
gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side.”

John Lennon's Answer: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Aristotle's Answer: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx's Answer: It was a historical inevitability.

Saddam Hussein's Answer: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Voltaire's Answer: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

Captain Kirk's Answer: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder's Answer: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Scully's Answer: It was a simple biomechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Bill Clinton's Answer: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

The Bible's Answer: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shall cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Albert Einstein's Answer: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Sigmund Freud's Answer: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

L.A.P.D.'s Answer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

 

SpicyJokes.com # 4635
Thanks to: Bunny - Milwaukee - WI - USA.
rec.:12/30/2001    pub.:1/6/2002    Sent:2/11/2015
Ranking: 2.86 / 69
 
OR

Q: What did the Doe say when she came out behind the brush??
A: That's the last time I do that for two Bucks!!

 

SpicyJokes.com # 10894
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:11/15/2002    pub.:11/15/2002    Sent:2/4/2015
Ranking: 3.06 / 52
 
OR

Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with “Somebody’s gonna get it tonight! Somebody’s gonna get it tonight!” In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet store and explained the parrot’s behavior to the manager. “What you need,” he said, “is a female parrot too” I don’t have one on hand but I will order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives.” Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn’t care for the owl. He glared at it. Marilyn was happy to have solved her problem. That night a guest came in for a nightcap. Then suddenly she heard the parrot screech and she knew that things had not changed. “Somebody’s gonna get it tonight!” said the parrot. The owl said, “Whoo? Whoo?” And the parrot said, “Not you” “Not you”

 

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