One day a little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the bus driver. He starts saying things like: If my mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I would be a little rooster, the bus driver said shut up!
Still the boy went on, if my mom was a female elephant and my dad was a male elephant, I would be a little male elephant, the bus driver said shut up!
Still the boy went on if my mom was a female dog and my dad was a male dog, I would be a little male dog. The bus driver got so mad, and asked: If your mom was a prostitute, and your dad was a faggot, what would you be? The boy answered: “A bus driver”
Three guys are sitting in a bar having a few drinks together.
One guy says, "So tell me, what do you do to drive your wife wild?"
"Well," says the second guy, "After making love, I go out to the garden and pick some roses. Then I take the petals off and sprinkle them all over her body. Then I blow them off with a soft breath that drives her wild."
Next guy says, "After making love, I get some baby oil and massage it gently all over her body, and that drives her wild!"
Last guy says, "When me and the old lady are through, I jump out of bed and wipe my p.... on the curtain. Drives her f.... nuts!"
A nice looking woman wearing a very tight leather skirt was standing in line to board a bus in Houston Texas. When her turn came to get on the bus she went to step up but her skirt was too tight and she could not. She smiled at the bus driver and reached behind her to unzip her skirt just a little to give her enough movement to step up onto the platform. She tried a second time and still her skirt was too tight, so again she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. When she stepped up the third time she still could not reach the step do to her tight skirt. So smiling at the bus driver again she reached behind her for the third time and lowered her zipper even more. It was no use. Her skirt was still too tight to give her enough legroom to step up.
All at once the big burly Texan behind her gently grabbed her around the waist and lifted her onto the bus platform. The woman whirled around in a rage. "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME LIKE THAT! We don't even know each other!"
The Texan smiled and said, "Well mam, normally I'd say the same thing. But I thought we were at least friends after the third time you reached behind you and unzipped my fly!"
A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."