A man had two Parrots, and he was having difficulties figuring out which is a male and which is a female.
One day coming back from work he saw that one of the parrots was on top of the other. He caught the one on top and shaved his head, giving him a baldhead, thinking, now he could identify which is the male or female.
The following day a friend of the owner of the parrot, who was bald, came looking for the man, the parrot called out to him. "Hey mister" when the man turned, the parrot said, "where you caught fucking too".
Ole and Sven were fishing when Sven pulled out a cigar but didn't have
a lighter so he asked Ole for a light. "Ya shure, I tink I haff a
lighter, "he replied and reached in to his tackle box and pulled out a
12 - inch BIC lighter. "yiminy Cricket"! exclaimed Sven, "Vhere did yew get
"Vell" replied Ole, "I got it from my Genie".
"You haff a genie?" Sven asked.
"Ya, shure, he's right here in my tackle box,' said Ole.
"Could I see Him?"
Ole opens his tackle box and out pops the genie.
The friend says "Hey dare! I'm a good friend of your master, Vill you
grant me vun vish?
"Yes I will," the genie said, so Sven asks him for a million bucks and
the genie hops back into the tackle box and leaves him standing there
waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the
sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard.
Sven yells to Ole, "I asked for a million Bucks, not Ducks!!"
Oles answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew, da genie is hard of hearing.
Do yew really tink I asked him for a 12- inch BIC?"
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
There were these two nude statues in a park, male and female, who always stared at each other. One day, a wizard came up to them and said, "this is your 200th anniversary so I am going to give you just 30 minutes of humanity so spend it well." The wizard waved his wand and the two statues went behind one of the big trees and the wizard heard giggles laughs and saw a little hanky panky but nothing much. After fifteen minutes they came out exhausted and the wizard asked why don't they do it again so as not to waste their 15 minutes. The male statue said to the female statue "Ok, but this time you hold the pigeon and I'll crap on it."