Five surgeons are discussing who has the best
patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on
my operating table because when you open them up,
everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians
are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like
construction workers. Those guys always understand
when you have a few parts left over at the end, and
when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he
observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the
easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart,
no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head
and the ass are interchangeable.
I love election years....
This is for you!
Most of you should appreciate this...some won't have a clue what it's all about!
According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids
in the 50's, 60's, and 70's probably shouldn't have survived.
Our baby cots were covered with brightly colored lead-based paint which
was promptly chewed and licked.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.
When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and fluorescent 'clackers' on our wheels.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding
in the passenger seat was a treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle - tasted the same.
We ate dripping sandwiches, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy pop
with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no one
actually died from this.
We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top
speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running
into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were
back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us all day and no one minded.
We did not have Play-stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99
channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones,
no personal computers, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends - we went outside and found them.
We played elastics and street rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt.
We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits. They were accidents. We learnt not to do the same thing again.
We had fights, punched each other hard and got black and blue - we learned to get over it.
We walked to friend's homes.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate live stuff, and
although we were told it would happen, we did not have very many eyes out,
nor did the live stuff live inside us forever.
We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.
Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law. Imagine that!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem
solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of
innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and
responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
And you're one of them. Congratulations!
Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as real
kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.
The President of a Latin American country announced today that he is changing the nationís emblem to a condom as it more clearly reflects the governmentís political stance.
A condom stands for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while itís actually screwing you.
It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"
The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"
"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"
After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.
"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."