...You've ever flirted over a drive-thru window speaker.

...You've ever picked birdshot out of your fried chicken.

...You've ever told a bill collector you were dead.

...You named each of your children after the car they were conceived in.

...Your voice changed while you were in the second grade.

You might be a red neck if you put a quarter in parking meter and say, "Hey, where in the heck is my gumball."

A redneck goes into a bar and orders a drink from the waitress. A little while later, she comes back. “Anything else I can get you, handsome?” Well, ma’am, I sure could use a nice piece of ass.”
The waitress’s eyebrows go up, she nods, and she leads him into the back room where she makes mad love to him. When they’re finished, they get dressed and return to their places.
“Now, honey, is there anything else I can get for you? She asks, smiling. “Thank you kindly, ma’am, but I could still use that piece of ass. Mah drink is gettin’ mighty warm.”

Did you hear about the redneck jack o lantern?
It has more teeth than the rednecks wife...