There was a small church in the community, having some serious money problems. Every fund in the church was short. One Sunday, the pastor made an impassioned plea from the pulpit for donations to several worthy causes.
The following Saturday night, to his mother's delight, little Johnny took his piggy bank down from his dresser, and told his mother he was taking the entire piggy bank to church the next day. Little Johnny's mother felt that she would surely be looked upon as a pillar of the church if her son was going to donate everything he had.
The following morning, the family went to church. Little Johnny kept the piggy bank on his lap. The pastor again made an impassioned plea from the pulpit. "Who will help us?" he asked. Little Johnny's mother nudged him, but he said, "No, Mom, it's not time yet." The mother figured he was waiting to hand in the piggy bank with the offering. When the offering plate went by, Little Johnny held on to his piggy bank. His mother nudged him, but he said, "It's not time yet, Mom."
After the service, as everyone was filing out of the church and shaking the pastor's hand, it was finally Little Johnny's family's turn. Little Johnny handed the piggy bank to the pastor, who said, "Johnny -- what is this for? Which worthy cause do you wish to give this to?"
Little Johnny said, in a loud voice, "Oh, Pastor, it's for YOU! Last Sunday after church, my mom said you were the poorest pastor we've ever had!!"
A very devout woman, who recently had learned how to drive, always started her trip with a prayer: “Lord, guide my hands to steer this car.” However, one day she found herself in a terrifying situation, with a car speeding up behind her, another coming rapidly at her from a road on the left. She did not know what to do, and so she threw her hands in the air and cried, “Lord, take the wheel."
A priest was walking along the corridor of the parochial school near the preschool wing when a group of little ones were trotting by on the way to the cafeteria. Little Johnny stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress funny?"
He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform priests wear.
Little Johnny pointed to the priest's plastic collar tab and asked, "Do you have an owie?"
The priest was perplexed till he realized that to him the collar tab looked like a band-aid. So the priest took it out and handed it to Little Johnny, to show him. On the back of the tab were raised letters giving the name of the manufacturer.
Little Johnny felt the letters, and the priest asked, "Do you know what those words say?"
"Yes I do," said Little Johnny, who was not old enough to read. Peering intently at the letters he said, "Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!"
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins.
"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus."
"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin."
"You're both wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house."