A couple meets with the minister of the Church to discuss their marriage vows.
“Pastor” said Sue; “we wonder if we could make a change in the wording of our ceremony.”
“Yes, Sue,” replied the pastor, “It is sometimes done. What do you have in mind?”
“Well, said Sue; looking at Bob openly, “we’d like to alter the ‘until death do us part’
section to read, ‘Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.’”
One day, a boy climbed a very tall tree. His parents asked him to come down at supper time but he wouldn't come down. His parents called the police. The police asked him to come down but he wouldn't come down. His parents called the firefighters. The firefighters asked him to come down but he wouldn't. The only ladder they had was a step ladder that wasn't big enough. A while later a priest walked by. The boys parents said to themselves, what the heck, lets ask him if he can help us. So the parents ask the priest to help them. The priest decides to help and walks over to the tree. He makes the sign of the cross with his hand and the boy scurries down. The boys parents thank him and say " Thank you for blessing my child!". The priest then replies " I wasn't blessing him, I told him to come down or I'll chop the tree down."
(In the Catholic Church bishops wear black cassocks (robes), cardinals wear scarlet or purple cassocks, and only the Pope wears a white cassock.)
Well, in Oxford, England, the regional assistant bishop met with a group of children
In a small church, and he engaged then in friendly conversation. He diced to ask them a question to see how much they knew about Catholic practices. “Children,” he said, “ if a man came into the room dressed like me, but all in white, who would it be?
There was a long silence, and some squirming and embarrassment. Then a boy raised his hand, “Yes?” said the bishop.
“Oh, I know, sir,” said the boy “It’d be the school cook.”
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist nearby thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good brothers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her too. So,the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did so-thereby proving that Hugh and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.