A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great statement he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
Sermon complete, he then sat down. The song leader stood very cautiously and
announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365:
'Shall We Gather at the River’?
The church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money to pay their expenses for a special trip. They had a large sign, CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP, and on the given Saturday business was very good. But by two o’clock the skies clouded and the rain poured and there were hardly any customers. Finally, one of the girl washers had an idea.
She printed a very large poster which said, WE WASH (then an arrow pointing to the sky) GOD RINSES.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing with her class how Noah might have spent his time on the ark.
A little girl volunteered, “May be he went fishing.”
A boy countered, “With only two worms?”
Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside. One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing, 'I Shall Not Be Moved.'
The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, 'Jesus Paid It All.'
The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was 'I Love to Tell The Story.'
The preacher became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang 'Oh, Why Not Tonight.'
When the preacher resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus.'