Q: What do a condom and a coffin have in common?
A: Both hold stiffs.
No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since it is written that a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi. The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm." So they go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man, and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it does not help, and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. "Okay," he says to the husband, "Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife, and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife, and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm, and soon the wife has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
Q. What did a gay man order at the Chinese restaurant?
A. "May I please have the cream of sum yung gai?"
A guy and his girlfriend went to see an X-rated movie; about half way through the movie she nudged him and said the guy next to her was j###### off real fast and hard, her boyfriend told her to just ignore him. She said, “I can’t…. He is using my hand.”