Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist,
so everyone will know what it looks like in here."
The next one says, "I want to be an olympic swimmer because I get so much practice
in here." Then the last baby says," I'm going to be a hunter, because if that
snake comes in here and pokes me again I'm gonna chop that damned thing in half!"
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"
A new mother took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. She dressed her little girl in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put the purchases around her. In the checkout line, she noticed a small boy and his mother were ahead of her.
The small boy was crying and begging for some special treat. "He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any", she thought.
Then she heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!"