One day a man and his wife needed to type in a password so that they could login on. So the husband tries to be funny so he types in “penis”. His wife literally falls on the ground laughing when the computer replies “PASSWORD REJECTED NOT LONG ENOUGH”
Q. What's the difference between women and computers?
A. Women don't accept 3 and half-inch floppies.
CIA - Computer Industry Acronyms
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can't See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
CA: Constant Acquisitions
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.
Jesus and Satan were having an on going argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They did spreadsheets.
They wrote reports.
They sent faxes.
They sent e-mail.
They sent out e-mail with attachments.
They did some genealogy reports.
They made cards.
They did every known job. But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known to man.
Jesus just sighed.
The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted computers.
Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past 2 hours. Satan observed this and became even more irate.
"Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?"
God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves!"