A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
(She is speaking in a cheery voice) 'Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great!
Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.'
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, 'Who was that?'
'Oh' she replies, 'That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you.'
A woman gets out of the bath and puts on a towel. Her husband comes into the bathroom to go to the toilet. The doorbell rings. The woman goes to answer it wearing only the towel. She opens the door to find her next door neighbor Bob standing on the doorstep. Bob wolf whistles and says 'I'll give you £200 if you drop the towel'. The woman doesn't want to miss out on £200, so she drops the towel. Bob takes a good look at the naked woman then says his goodbyes and leaves. As the woman closes the door her husband comes down stairs. 'Who was that?' He asks. 'It was Bob' She says. 'Oh right, did he give you that £200 that he owes me?'
A man has six children and he is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home, and he wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “shall we go home, Mother of Six?” His wife irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shouts back, “anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”
The chairman of the Mathematics Department at the college sent the following email to his wife:
Dear Helen, You know that you are 54 yrs old and are no longer able to satisfy all of my needs. By the time you read this I will be off to meet my 18-year-old intern at the Holiday Inn. I'm sure you understand and agree that my needs are important. I will try to be home before midnight.
Well after reading the message, she immediately sent the following reply:
Dear Mack, Received your email and I do understand needs. Just wanted to remind you that you also are 54 yrs old. By the time you receive this reply, I will be at the Ritz Carlton meeting with our 18-year-old pool boy. I know that as a mathematics professor you will understand that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Turn off the lights when you go to bed and don't wait up, I'll be home very late.