The Frog and Golf
A man goes out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to hit a pitching wedge when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
He hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?" the man asks.
"Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man golf the best game of game in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas.”
“They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"
The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and pays for the best room in the hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me.”
He figures why not after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.
With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous girl.
"And that is how the girl ended up in my room Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."
HOW TO BE A GOOD HUSBAND
1.He consistently spills things in the same location as to avoid making more than one stain in the carpet.
2.He sees to it that he doesn't always sit in the same place on the couch, to avoid making those unsightly twin-divots.
3.He masters the art of halfway-communication so that he can watch TV and still answer: uh huh, oh, I see what you mean, etc. at the right time.
4.He is able to avoid use of the same excuse two-times-in-a-row.
5.He has learned that a new vacuum cleaner, iron, etc. do not make acceptable anniversary presents.
6.Admits with only minor prodding that watching Monday Night Football together does not constitute a "date" or family home evening (where applicable).
7.Has learned all of the childrens' names so that he doesn't have to refer to them as, "Hey, you there".
8.Knows the proper time to give a sincere compliment and also the proper time to say something such as, "Its definitely an interesting dress."
A drunkard staggered home late one night. He tripped and fell breaking the flask of brandy in his hip pocket. When he finally got home he tiptoed as quietly as he could into the bathroom to attend the cut on his backside. He found some sticky plaster in the cabinet, dropped his pants, backed up to the mirror and patched himself up as best he could, then slipped into bed without waking his wife. In the morning his wife woke him with a blow to the head with his pillow, yelling and scolding him for coming home drunk again.
Acting as innocent as he could he defended himself saying "But honey it's not true” She answered "So what's with all the sticky plaster on the bathroom mirror?"
Catherine, pregnant with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it," Catherine confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."