A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"
A guy goes into a store and asks the clerk "Where would I find tampons?"
The clerk says "Isle 15."
The guy goes to isle 15 and comes back with cotton balls and a roll of string.
The clerk asks, "I thought you wanted tampons?"
To which the guy replied, "I did, but the other night I asked my wife to go get me a pack of cigarettes and she came back with some Bugler and rolling papers.
If I can roll my own, so can she!"
While shopping for vacation clothes, a couple passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since his wife had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought her husband's advice.
"What do you think?" she asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
1. Twice a week, we go to nice restaurant, have a little beverage,
good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays I go on
2. We also sleep in separate beds, hers is in Ontario and mine is in
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
maker.. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to
sit-down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water
in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
9. She ran after the garbage truck yelling, " Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in."
10. Remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.
12. I married Miss Right; I just didn't know her first name was