A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."
The husband had just finished reading a new book, 'YOU CAN BE THE
MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'. He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up
to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU
need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You
will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating
my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after
dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the
sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can
relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that's done,
guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The funeral director would be my guess."
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight is darn near perfect.'
Kevin is watching a movie on Friday night and feels rather amorous He says to his wife; Hey honey, how about it?”
She says, “I have a headache.”
Saturday nigh they are in bed, and he asks, “Sweetheart, how about it?”
She says, “I’m too tied.”
Sunday night he climes into bed, puts his arm around her, and says again, “Well how about it?”
She pushes him sway and says, “Three nights in a row? What are you, a sex maniac?”