A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.
"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again, "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, "he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat." The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need." she says.
"Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him, smiles, and says, "The airbag."
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple that had been sleeping their bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in skimpy nightgown, and whispered. “Honey, this guy has not
seen a woman in years. Just do anything he wants. If the wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.” “Dear”, the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, “I’m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking a..!”
Catherine, pregnant with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it," Catherine confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
A woman had been in a coma for a while. Her doctors told her husband that they had tried everything they could, and that she was near death.
There was only one experimental procedure left to try to revive her; that would be oral sex. The husband agreed to try.
They provided privacy for the couple and watched the monitor of her condition. . Blip . . . blip, BLIP . . . then flat line -- she was gone.
The husband came out shaking his head and said, "I hope I didn't choke her".