An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the ship watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat it read:” Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife’s body at the bottom of the ocean. We brought her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster that has a pearl worth $500,000. Please advice." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...
From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
The wife stood back up, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
A couple had been married for ten years and their sex life was becoming boring. One night, the husband came home and said to his wife, “Honey, tonight we’re going to make love a different way. Tonight, we’re going to do it lying back to back”
“What fun is that?” the wife asked.
“Plenty. I invited another couple.”
Inflation was getting out of hand so Joe suggested to his wife, Louise, that they try a unique way to save some money on the side.
“Every time we have sex, I’ll give you a dollar for your piggy bank,” he said.
A few weeks later, they decided to open the piggy bank. Out tumbled a bunch of dollars, but these were mixed with a rich cluster of five, tens and twenties.
“Louise,” asked Joe, “where did you get all that money? Each time we had sex I only gave you a dollar.” “So?” she said. “Do you think everyone is as stingy as you?”