A couple is watching ''Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.'' The husband winks and says, ''Honey, let's go upstairs...''
The wife says, “no”. The husband asks again, and again she says no. The husband asks, ''Is that your final answer?'' The wife says yes!
The husband says, ‘‘well, can I phone a friend?''
Brian and Cindy Blossom were about to have their first wedding anniversary and Cindy wanted to do something special. She decided to get a tattoo because Brian thought they were very sexy. She goes to the tattoo parlor and can't decide on a design, so she decides to get Brian's initials BB tattooed on her ass. She gets a B on each cheek. She goes home and waits for Brian to come home. When she hears his car pull into the driveway, she drops her pants bends over and grabs her ankles making her new tattoo the first thing he sees when he walks in. The door opens, her husband walks in and with an angered look on his face he yells "WHO THE HELL IS BOB?"
Bill’s wife goes out to buy a car. The salesman says, I recommend this one.
She asks why. The salesman says, “Because it has hydraulic backspin brakes. Get in and I’ll show you.” He drives the car 100 miles and hour toward a brick wall, and when he’s 100 feet away he jams on the brakes. They stop a foot from the wall. The salesman says, “Do you smell that?” She takes a sniff and says, “Uh-huh.” The salesman says proudly, “That’s hydraulic backspin brakes.”
That night when Bill gets home, his wife says, “Dear, I bought a car.”
Bill asks, “How did you decide which kind to buy?” She says, “I bought one with hydraulic backspin brakes. Get in and I’ll show you.
They get in, and she drives 100 miles an hour toward the same brick wall. When they are 100 feet away from it she jams on the brakes, and they stop one foot from the wall. She looks over at her husband and says. “Do you smell that?”
Bill says, “I ought to! I’m sitting in it.”
The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.
The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.
The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.
The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.
The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note: DEAR FRIENDS, WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS BEING SAWED. THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK. BUT I SWEAR, I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER PUT NOVOCAIN IN THE K-Y JELLY!"