These are responses you may use when caught slepping on the job:
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
"I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
"I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."
"Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
"The coffee machine is broken..."
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
" ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
A plane takes off from New York's Kennedy Airport. After it reaches a cruising altitude, Captain Sparks makes an announcement over the intercom.
'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 293,' he says. 'The weather ahead looks clear, so sit back, relax and - OH MY GOD!'
The intercom falls silent.
A minute later, Capt. Sparks comes back on the intercom. 'I'm so sorry for scaring you all earlier,' he says.
'But while I was talking, an attendant spilled a boiling cup of coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
'That's nothing,' a passenger in coach shouted. 'You should see the back of mine!'
IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON you get three meals a day.
AT WORK you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON you get your own toilet.
AT WORK you have to share.
IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required
AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK they are called managers
The real estate boss got a hot new secretary, and he decided to put some moves on her.
But within a few weeks, he was unhappy at the way she was acting – not caring, coming to work late, and so on.
Finally, he pulled her aside, and had a little talk with her.
“Listen, baby,” he said. “We may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?”
the secretary replied, “My lawyer!”