"Well, you seem OK. However, we have to test your skills." The HR Manager told the candidate for a secretarial job, in his 20th floor office.
"No, I don't agree with that." Blurted the aspiring candidate.
"But what is wrong?" Asked the surprised manager.
The candidate blushing explained. "I've been tested on each and every floor. I am totally drained out now."
As a man was working in his office one day, he received a phone call. "Hello," he said. At the other end of the line, a mysterious voice said, "I am the viper, I am coming in a week." Then the caller hung up.
The man thought someone was pulling a practical joke, so he didn't think much about it until a few days later, when he got another phone call. After he said "Hello," a mysterious voice said, "I am the viper. I am coming in three days." Then the caller hung up again.
The man was starting to get a bit worried but he still thought someone was trying to scare him. Then he received another phone call. This time, the voice said, "I am the viper. I am coming tomorrow." Once again, the caller hung up.
Now the man was sure that someone was out to get him. The next day when he went to work, he brought along his rifle, just in case. That afternoon, a stranger wearing white overalls and carrying a pail of water came into the man's office. "Who are you?" the man asked. The stranger replied, "I am the viper. I have come to vipe your vindows."
An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked the second man.
"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed." He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out
across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of
light" he said. Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed
the same question. Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers,
it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA." "WHAT!" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh I can explain,” said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already ...........my pants! .......................
Old Bubba is now the new "Greeter" Blackwell, Oklahoma Wal-Mart.
Which has a better job, a janitor or a toilet seat?
A toilet seat, because it only has to take crap from one ass at a time.