Just a little work
I'm tired. For a couple of years I've been blaming it on iron, poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out it ain't that. I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of USA is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. Boy Oh Boy.. And you're sitting there reading this. No wonder I'm tired, I'm the only one working.
A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, 'We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?' The business man replied: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?'
TO: All Employees
Subject: Special High Intensity Training
In order to Insure that we continue to produce the highest quality work
possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through
our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING. (S.H.I.T.). We are giving
our employees more S.H.I.T. than any Other company in the country.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job,
please see your supervisor. You will be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T.
list for special attention.
All of our supervisors are particularly well qualified to sea that you get
all the S.H.l.T. you can handle at your own speed.
If you consider yourself to be trained already you may be interested in helping us to
train others. We can add your name to our basic understanding lecture list (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.) If you have further questions, please address them to our HEAD OF Training
(H.O.T. S.H.I.T.) Program.
The owner of a large factory decided to make a surprise visit and check up on his staff. Walking though the plant, he noticed a young man leaning lazily against a post.
"Just how much are you being paid a week?" said the owner angrily.
"Three hundred bucks," replied the young man.
Taking out a fold of bills from his wallet, the owner counted out $300, slapped the money into the boy's hands, and said "Here's a week's pay -- now get out and don't come back!"
Turning to one of the supervisors, he said "How long has that lazy bum been working here anyway?"
"He doesn't work here," said the supervisor. "He was just here to deliver a pizza