A woman walks into a bank, goes up to the teller, and says, “ I want to open a fucking savings account!” The teller blinks and says, “Excuse me?” “I said,” the woman, says, “I want to open a fucking savings account!” “You are very rude,” says the teller.
“There is no need to use that kind of language. With that, she goes and gets the bank manager. The bank manager comes back with the teller and asks the woman, “What seems to be the problem?” “Look,” the woman says, “I just won the lottery for ten million dollars and I just want to open up a fucking savings account!”
The manager looks at the teller and then at the woman and says, “And this bitch is giving you a hard time?
A man walks into a store and he saw a thermos. The clerk walks up to him and asks, "May I help you with anything?" "Yeah! What is that?". "Why that's a thermos!". "What's it do?". "It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!". "I'll take it". The next day the man goes to work carrying this thermos. his co-workers ask him "What's that!". "It's a thermos". "What's it do?". "It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!". "So whatcha got in it?". "Two ice creams and a cup of coffee."
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: You give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/24. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: 'The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.' (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
12: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.