Whatís the difference between medium and rare?
Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare!
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long, black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse and behind
the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash.
Behind her were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't contain her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said "I am so sorry for your loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you but I've never seen a funera like this.
Whose funeral is it?"
The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my
"What happened to him?"
"My dog attacked and killed him.
"Well who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to
help my husband when the dog turned on her."
A poignant moment of silence passed between the two women.
"May I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line
A young teacher was giving her six-year-old class a lesson about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted.
At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class.
She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "Oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping.
"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm.
Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, "At our house, we have everything."
"Donít be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has everything."
"We do," he answered, "My Daddy said so the other day."
"Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked.
"Well, my sister came home with her boyfriend, and told Dad that she was pregnant. Thatís when my Dad said, "God, thatís all we needed!"
Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.
One day, they heard, "Yellow, blue, black." One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible.
The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke, "Black, black, black."
Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished. One of the nuns spoke up, "Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird." After saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments.
Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house. They peeked at the bird.
At the beginning, the parrot looked a bit puzzled. He swung back and forth on the cane he was perched on.
Then, after a while, the Parrot spoke, "Straight, Straight, Curly!"