Reasons why Cookie Dough Is Better Than A Man!
*It's enjoyable hard or soft.
*It makes a mess too, but it tastes better.
*You always want to swallow.
*It won't complain if you share it with friends.
*It's "quick and convenient."
*You can enjoy it more than once.
*It comes already protectively wrapped.
*You can make it as large as you want.
*If you don't finish it you can save it for later.
*It's easier to get the kind you want.
*You can comparison shop.
*It's easier to find in a grocery store.
*You can put it away when you've had enough.
*You know yours has never been eaten before.
*It won't complain if you chew on it.
*You can return it--satisfaction is guaranteed.
*It's always ready to go.
*You won't get arrested if you eat it in public.
*You don't have to change the sheets if you eat it in bed.
*It won't wake you up because it's hard.
*You don't have to find an excuse not to eat it.
*You can tell your friends how much you've eaten without sounding like you're bragging.
*It won't take up room in your bed.
*It's easy to pick up.
*It won't get jealous if you pick up another one.
*It never has an insecurity problem with its size.
*One day, God calls on Adam & says, "Adam, I have some good news and bad news. The good news is that I gave you a penis and a brain. Bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one at a time"
The President of Chase Manhattan Bank decides he should take a vacation/business trip. Since the president has heard how much fun Taipei is, he decides to visit the offices there. He books two tickets, one for him and one for his secretary.
After his arrival in Taipei, the president receives an urgent message from headquarters that the richest man in Taiwan wants to put all his money into a Chase Manhattan account. Since the account would be quite substantial, the president decides to meet personally with the man.
The next day, the president and his secretary go to meet the Taiwanese at an exclusive restaurant. Throughout the dinner, the president tries to bring up the subject of opening the new account but the prospective client only seems interested in the president's secretary.
After dinner, the businessman asks the secretary to spend the rest of the evening seeing the sights in Taipei with him. Not wishing to offend the prospective client, the president orders his secretary to go ahead but tells her that she must be diplomatic and under no circumstances is she to insult the man by rejecting him outright.
After going to a dance club for a few hours, the businessman takes the secretary aside. As he holds her hand and looks her straight into her eyes, he tells her that he loves her. Then, he gets on his knees and asks her to marry him.
Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her: Don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
After a few minutes, the woman says, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a seventy-five carat diamond ring, with a matching two hundred carat diamond tiara."
The Taiwanese man pauses for a while then, with a nod of his head, answers, and “No problem I buy. I buy."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says, "My second condition is a one hundred-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the Gironde in France."
The man pauses for a while. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers in New York, and then he calls some real estate agents in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build, I build."
Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like to have sex, I want the man I marry to have a twelve-inch penis."
The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face in his hands and rests his elbows on the table. All the while, he's muttering something in Chinese.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man shakes his head, looking real sad, says to the woman,
"OK. I cut. I cut
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.
But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.
The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak,"Ohhh my God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!!"