At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!
In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.
In a counselors office: Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.
In a farmerís field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back, or further steps will be taken.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day.
On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock ó doorbell out of order.)
On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut: No trespassing without permission.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy
Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to take a leak.
Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
Written above the toilet...
If you think you're gonna miss, please raise the lid before you piss.
Seen above a pool:
Welcome to my ool, notice there is no p in it,
"Lets keep it that way."
Sign seen at a restaurant:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.