Category: Animal Jokes

A young lad was tired of the farm life; so off he went, and joined the Navy. His first cruise took him to the south pacific, where upon stopping at some island he found himself a parrot, He took it back to the ship with him, and kept it aboard ship. After 20+ years he retired from the Navy, so off him and his parrot went. Back to farm land. He decided he should get himself a chicken farm and sell young chickens and eggs. This he did, lo and behold the first morning at 6 o’clock, the parrot commenced yelling, “six bells, hit the deck", "six bells, hit the deck" well the old sailor was quite angry, and told the parrot I can't have none of this, I’ am retired and don't have to get up that early any more, so from now on you sleep out with the chickens. The next morning at 6 o’clock he woke up hearing this big noise coming from the chicken house, He goes out there, looks in the window and sees the parrot holding a red chicken around the neck with one wing and slapping him from left to right with his other wing, saying "when I say dress whites I mean dress whites"

Category: Gender Slam

26 Reasons Men Have 2 Dogs and Not 2 Wife's

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name
5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
6. A dog's parents never visit.
7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
10. Dogs seldom outlive you.
11. Dogs can't talk.
12. You never have to wait for a dog! They’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater!
22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.
25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.
26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Category: Blonde Jokes

A man is driving through an English countryside when he sees a beautiful blonde woman without a stitch of clothes on, running across a field with three men in white chasing her. The last man is carrying two bowling balls.
He stops the man with the bowling balls and asks "What's going on?"

The man replies "The blonde is a patient in a mental hospital over the hill. They can't keep clothes on her. Every couple of weeks she escapes, and we have to chase her and bring her back."
"What's with the bowling balls you're carrying," asked the man.
"Oh, I caught her last week. This is my handicap," the man answered.

Category: Marriage Jokes

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.