One of the remaining differences between the northern and southern states is the style of introductions. For example, the northern introduction to a child's fairy tale is, "Once upon a time...” while the south chooses, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!!"

A Texan, a guy from Illinois, and a Wisconsinite are riding horses out on the range. The Texan, just to show off, pulls an expensive bottle of whiskey out of his saddlebag, takes a couple drinks, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it in mid-air. The guy from Illinois is shocked and asks, "What are you doing? That's a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!"

The Texan replies, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap!" A little while later, not wanting to be outdone, the guy from Illinois pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it, just like the Texan. The guy from Wisconsin can't believe it. "What are you doing? That was a very expensive bottle of champagne. With a wink to the Texan he says, "In Chicago, there's plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap."

About 15 minutes later, the Wisconsinite pulls out a bottle of beer. He opens it and takes a sip. Then another sip. Then he chugs the rest of the bottle. He then places the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun and shoots the guy from Illinois. The Texan is visibly shaken. "What did you do that for?"

The Wisconsinite replies, "Well, in Wisconsin, we have plenty of people from Illinois, and bottles are returnable."

Florida suffers second historical recall!
RECALL BULLETIN WASHINGTON, D.C.
Hang on to any of the new State of Florida quarters; if you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents.
The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Florida quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
"We are recalling all the new Florida quarters that were recently issued to collectors and were scheduled for nationwide release March 1," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday.
"This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices".
The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.
"The problem lies in the unique design of the Florida quarter, which was created by a Florida State graduate," Shackleford said.
"Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

Two men were driving through Dubuque, Iowa when they got pulled over by a Dubuque Police Officer. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down his window and "WHACK," the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick. "What the hell was that for?" the driver asked. "You're in Iowa, son," the Officer answered. "When we pull you over in Iowa, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car." "I'm sorry. Officer," the driver said, "I'm from Wisconsin and didn't know your laws here." The officer runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives the guy his license back. The officer then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK," the officer smacks him on the head with the nightstick. "What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands. "Just making your wish come true." replied the officer. "Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asks. "Because I know you Cheese head types," the Officer says, "two mikes down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say,’ I wish that asshole would've tried that sh*t with me!'"