A young couple strolled out one evening and met a huge man who rained insults on the wife. The husband, afraid of the man, kept looking. "John" shouted the wife, “are you
going to stand there just looking?” “No, replied the husband," I won't stand here, I’d
rather cross to the other side of the road."

HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM...

One hand on wheel,
one hand on horn:
CHICAGO.

One hand on wheel,
middle finger out window:
NEW YORK.

One hand on wheel,
middle finger out window,
cutting across all lanes of traffic:
NEW JERSEY.

One hand on wheel,
one hand on newspaper,
foot solidly on accelerator:
BOSTON.

One hand on wheel,
one hand on nonfat
double decaf cappuccino,
cradling cell phone,
brick on accelerator,
gun in lap:
LOS ANGELES.

Both hands on wheel,
eyes shut,
both feet on brake,
quivering in terror:
INDIANA,
but driving in CALIFORNIA.

Both hands in air,
gesturing,
both feet on accelerator,
head turned to talk to
someone in back seat:
ITALY.

One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte,
one knee on wheel,
cradling cell phone,
foot on brake,
mind on radio game,
banging head on steering wheel
while stuck in traffic:
SEATTLE.

One hand on wheel,
one hand on hunting rifle,
alternating between both feet
being on the accelerator
and both feet on brake,
throwing McDonald's
bag out the window:
TEXAS.

Four-wheel drive pick-up truck,
shotgun mounted in rear window,
beer cans on floor,
squirrel tails attached to antenna:
OKLAHOMA.

Two hands gripping wheel,
blue hair barely
visible above windshield,
driving 35 on the Interstate
in the left lane
with the left blinker on:
FLORIDA.

One hand on the wheel,
the other on his sister:
ARKANSAS.

Can Miss Piggy Count to 70?

No, because once she's at 69 there's a frog in her throat!

Two men are sitting on an airplane when one turns to the other and says, "If I open this door, will we fall out?" the other man replies "oh no, we'll still be friends"