A middle-aged woman took a taxi home, but when she arrived at her destination, she discovered that she had no money. She lifted up her dress, dropped her panties, and shouted to the cabbie, “How’s about taking out what I owe you in trade?”
The cabbie looked and said, “Don’t you have anything smaller?”

This teenager was listening to the radio and they were playing the top ten records. She heard this tune that set her on fire.
It was titled Ten Kisses and Hot Lips.
They announced at the end that if you wanted this record you must call your music store right away as the supply was limited.
She ran to the phone and by mistake dialed a Plumber.
When the plumber answered she said all out of breath, “Do you have ten kisses and hot lips"? Thinking this was a prank call he said "no but I have ten inches of hard dick." "Is this a record?" she asked. “No just a little above average"..

A sign posted in a sleazy Manhattan bar: “If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport."

A fellow goes to Confession, and tells the Priest "Father I stole some Lumber and built a Dog House", the Priest says for your penance say 3 Hail Mary’s. The man hesitates, and the Priest says what’s wrong? The man says Father I stole some Lumber and built a Garage, the Priest says, well in that case, say three Hail Mary’s and three Our Fathers. Still the man hesitates, and he tells the Priest, Father I can’t leave without telling you the absolute truth, I stole some lumber and built a House. The Priest says in that case, do you know how to make a Novena? The man says, "No Father but if you have a Blueprint I got the Lumber"