A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store
was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said,
"Hello!" Her face was beaming.
He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever
having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had
made a mistake and apologized.
"Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I
thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out
of the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is
the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep
track of who fathers her children! "
Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought
but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had been to when
he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!
He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked,
"Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got
really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table?"
"No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's
second grade teacher!"
At a Harvard- Yale football game a man from Harvard and a man from Yale end up at the urinal together. When the two men finished the man from Harvard headed for the sink while the man from Yale headed for the door. The man from Harvard says, " At Harvard they teach us to wash our hands after we pee." The man from Yale replies, "At Yale they teach us not to pee on our hands."
This guy goes into his barber, and he’s all excited. He says, “I’m going to go to Rome.
I’m flying on Alitalia and staying at the Rome Hilton, and I’m going to see the Pope.”
The barber says, “Ha! Alitalia is a terrible airline, the Rome Hilton is a dump, and when you see the Pope, you’ll probably be standing in back of about 10,000 people.”
So the guy goes to Rome and comes back. His barber asks, “How was it?”
“Great,” he says. Alitalia was a wonderful airline. The hotel was great. And I got the meet the Pope.”
You met the Pope? Said the barber.
“I bent down to kiss the Pope’s ring.”
“And what did he say?”
“He said, “Where did you get that crummy haircut?”
A stockbroker is busted for inside trading, convicted, and sent to prison. As he gets to his cell, his worst fear is there to greet him. His cellmate is a six-foot-five, three- hundred-pound man, says, “you want to be the husband or do you want to be the wife?”
The stockbroker weighs the options. He figures it s better to give than to receive so he says, “I’ll be the husband.”
The six-foot-five, three-hundred-pound sweaty man says,“then why don’t you be a good
husband and suck your wife’s dick!”