Java Jingle
As sung to the tune of "Rawhide":

Loading, loading, loading,
Damn this Java coding,
Feeling of forboding, Reload!

The Applet says it's running,
And that big grey block is stunning,
But the screen remains as blank as my mind

Netscape crash, Boot 'em up!
Net goes down, Dial back! Logging on,
Still off-line! Reload!

Try it now, Still not up!
Netscape crashed, What, again?
Boot it up, Log it in, Reload!

Tighten, tweakin', smoothen,
They say the codes improvin',
So how come I'm still usin' "reload"?

I'm tired of all this waitin',
Just give me .gif animation,
This code is only good for wasting time,

The applet says it's running,
And grey block is quite stunning,
But the screen remains as blank as my mind,

(Midi solo)

beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
beep,beep,

Netscape crash, Boot 'em up!
Net goes down, Dial back!
Logging on, Still off-line!
Reload!

Try it now, Still not up!
Netscape crashed, What, again?
Boot it up, Log it in,
Reload! Reload!!

They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is my father?"
The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with "Your father is fishing in Michigan."
The skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years."
"No", replied the super computer immediately. "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."

Chip asks: "Daddy, how was I born?"

Dad says:
"Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. Nine months later a blessed little pop-up appeared and said:‘You've Got Mail!’”

If you can touch it and you can see it, it's REAL.
If you can touch it but you can't see it, it's TRANSPARENT.
If you can't touch it but you can see it, it's VIRTUAL.
If you can't touch it and you can't see it, it's GONE.