Lady on the Bus
A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus; she noticed the man opposite to her was smiling at her so she immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
"Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a sign that said,
"William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly contain myself. ...
BUT your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,
"Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident... " I just lost it."
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student’s immediate family.
A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says: "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with."
On a long flight a priest is sitting at the window seat diligently toiling away at a newspaper crossword puzzle while a construction worker is snoozing on the aisle seat. After a while, the priest gently nudges the construction worker, hoping to wake him. The guy opens his eyes and says, “Yes, Father, what can I do for you?”
“I wander if you could help me with this crossword puzzle!” The priest answers, somewhat apologetically. “Sure, Father,” the construction worker, says eagerly. “I’d be glad to.” “Well,” says the priest sheepishly, “I need a four-letter word that ends in U-N-T that means ‘female relative.’”
That’s easy, Father,” says the construction worker. “The word you are looking for is
A-U-N-T.” “Oh! That’s right!” the priest says triumphantly.
“Do you have an eraser?”
It was his wedding night and the minister finished undressing in the bathroom ad walked into the bedroom. He was surprised to see that his bride had already slipped between the bed sheets.
“My dear,” he said, “I thought I would find you on your knees.”
She said, “Well, honey, I can do it that way too, but it gives me the hiccoughs.”